Being alone or Being lonely..

Since my childhood, I remember being surrounded by people who loved me and cared for me. I never thought of it as a gift, it all seemed pretty normal to me. But then I came to college, far away from home and those people. I made a few friends, everything was fine again.   

But then I lost them. A deep sense of loneliness started settling in my heart. I felt like there was a void, I felt incomplete. I wanted to be loved again and have those people around me. I was lonely. I became insecure due to losing all my friends. I started feeling that the moment I will start loving someone and get attached to them, they will leave me. I knew I was drowning and I needed something to hold on to. I turned to God. I realized that he is the one person I can love with all my heart and not be afraid that he will leave me. He was mine!

Once I started feeling secure, I realized that loneliness is nothing but a state of mind .Being lonely and being alone are two different things. One can be lonely even in a crowded place. It has nothing to do with people or surroundings.

Being left alone was the best thing that could have happened to me. For the first time in my life I had a chance to know myself. I realized that whenever we are with somebody we are defined in some way by them. It is never “I” in absolute sense. Suddenly I had this sense of freedom that I could do whatever I want and however I want without worrying about what someone would think. I started enjoying my own company and felt complete.

I realized being alone is doing things by yourself, but also doing them for yourself .I learnt how to love myself.Being alone is sitting under a tree for an afternoon and reading a book, and enjoying every single minute of it. The happier I became the more people wanted to be with me. Nobody likes negativity and no one can make you happier than yourself. You have to be happy first to pave path for more happiness to come into your life. Sitting and waiting for happiness is not going to work. Positivity attracts positive things .It’s your choice.

Of course, there are those times when being alone crosses paths with being lonely.  For a brief moment that dull feeling aches in your chest, but it doesn’t stay.

When you’re alone you’re forced to realize all the things you don’t have, sure, but you’re also forced to realize all the things about yourself that you couldn’t when you spent your days memorizing someone else. 

Being alone can be the most empowering experience of your life. If you let the loneliness consume you, you’re going to lose that rare chance to figure yourself out. You can always find company in yourself. Loneliness is going to try to force you to find that company with another person. Everyone has a place in the world, though, and yours shouldn’t be inside someone else.

Traditions - Good or Bad?

Traditions are like fruits of mango tree. At the time of birth, people find it bitter. After some time, it gives a sour taste. People, who like sour taste, accept it.  After some more time it starts to taste sweet, it becomes everyone’s favorite. But after a point of time, it begins to rot, it starts smelling bad. A person who eats it at this point of time falls sick. In the end all that remains is the seed, which is of no use to anyone. I am not against traditions but when they become the reason for exploitation, when they start giving sorrow instead of happiness, then we need to put that seed in the ground so that it gives birth to a new tree, a new tradition. Now you will ask, who will decide which tradition has reached that stage? The answer is Time. Time decides it, and everyone has to listen to the time's need.

India boasts of rich culture and tradition. However, there are many meaningless traditions in India for which no one can give a credible explanation because it is being followed for generations without anyone questioning it.

I do agree that some traditions were made based on scientific reasons, but in some cases those reasons are no longer valid.

For example, throwing coins in the river.

In ancient India, most civilizations flourished near rivers and these rivers were a significant source of fresh water. The livelihood of people depended on these rivers, such as agriculture, irrigation, drinking etc. and these rivers were considered sacred and worshiped.

As the rivers were the only source of water at the time, having clean water was essential for survival. Most currencies used then were made of copper, an element required by human body to maintain health. Once thrown in river, copper would slowly dissolve in the water and the person drinking it would have sufficient intake of the metal in their body for optimization of the metal.

Copper also pulled down all the dirt in the river, allowing clean and fresh water to flow freely on top.

Although present day currencies no longer have copper in them, the age old custom of throwing coins in the river still continues till today.

Go down to the lake and throw in a line. Open the mouth of the first fish you catch, and you will find a large silver coin. I don’t think this tradition was meant to kill aquatic animals.

Then there are other traditions like sati, which was made illegal long time back but is still prevalent in some parts of India. Why the poor wife has to sacrifice her life if her husband dies first?

In some parts of India, the birth of a baby is celebrated with distribution of sweets. But there are specific types of sweets to be distributed in order to indicate the gender of the new-born. Why this gender bias?
  

Another practice among some communities is to shave off the hair of a widow and she has to remain so till her death. Also she is barred from wearing coloured clothes, attending social functions etc. Why the poor lady has to be tortured in this fashion for no fault of hers?

It is believed that snakes can drink milk. During the festival of Nag Panchmi, snakes are captured and force-fed milk. As a result, several thousand snakes die annually.

Another one is related to period taboos. Women are not allowed to go to temples and participate in poojas when they are menstruating.

Do you think God would discriminate? How can God have any objection to a female devotee wanting to worship?

With modern hygienic practices how can you say that a female is impure? This is a normal biological function of the female created by God. Then how can we say it’s impure when God himself created it. Moreover this is important for giving birth which is considered the greatest miracle by humans. This is the reason why a woman in India is referred to as Devi, because she gives birth. Then how is it impure or inauspicious? Cows wandering inside the temples also undergo covert menstruation. Don’t we worship them? Our scriptures are not about do’s and don’ts. Nowhere in Hindu sacred texts you’ll find such “Rules and Regulations”. These restrictions are imposed by the older generations for the female members of the family. This is how the myths and beliefs are passed from one generation to other, however bursting these myths is one’s personal choice and responsibility.

The standard viewpoint is that most of the Indian beliefs and values have sprung with an objective to protect from evil spirits, but some were based on scientific reasoning. With the passage of time, the reasoning part behind the origin of these cultural beliefs and superstitions got eroded. That is exactly why most of these beliefs appear unsubstantiated and false. However, in reality, there are many such beliefs in the Indians culture which are absolutely absurd and have no logic behind them. 

Some people hold on to age old traditions in the name of Dharma. What people often ignore is that these traditions were made thousands of years ago when knowledge was limited to rishis and priests and the common people were mostly uneducated. So, to make them follow these rules, the wise men then termed these traditions as Dharma so that people will follow them to avoid wrath of the Gods.

But the time now has changed, most of us are now empowered by education. So it’s our duty to analyze if what we are doing today in the name of traditions actually has some logic to it and that it is exploiting no one.

I feel that it’s high time now that we identify such bad traditions and eradicate them and hence stop exploitation of people in the name of tradition or Dharma.

Why not try?

Today I would like to tell a story about Lord Krishna. When he was asked by his nephew that wasn’t he afraid to fight “Kaliya naag”? Did he know beforehand that he would be able to defeat him? To this he replied that Yes, he knew it because he has a special power gifted to him by God. Then his nephew asked -“What is that special power?”

Lord Krishna said – It is the “power of Trying”. I believe that if I try with courage and faith in heart, then nothing is impossible. His nephew said –“But all the people try, isn’t it?”

Lord Krishna said-“Yes, everyone can try and trying is the essential thing to do to be successful. In reality, I don’t have any special power which God hasn’t given to others. God is not partial. Everyone is born with sufficient power but fear, greed and attachment stop a person from trying and if a person doesn’t try then how can he/she be successful?”

His nephew said-“But you could have lost your life?”

Lord Krishna said-“Anyways death will come some day, it’s inevitable! Whenever we try, the probability of success and failure becomes fifty-fifty. But one who doesn’t try, the probability of failure becomes hundred percent for him. Always remember son, when fighting against someone’s injustice, atrocity or “Adharma”, there can be only one loss at most and that is death. But not trying because of some fear or attachment leads to two losses for sure, the power of our soul reduces and the Adharma of the other person increases. So it is always better to try.”

We all have moments when we are faced with a choice of whether to get out of our comfort zone and try or settle for what we already have and adjust accordingly. A lot of times we end up not trying, curling even more inside our shells. But don’t you think this life is too short to live with fear in our hearts? Unknowingly we are losing the chances of having the life of our dreams. Imagine how sad it would be to die without knowing your own potential and realizing it and not knowing what you could have been! Imagine if someone tells you when you are on your deathbed that if you would have taken that one risk, you would have been a millionaire or a film star or a famous writer or whatever it is that you wanted to be. How would you feel? Won’t you want to go back in time and act differently? We all know we cannot do that. So now is the time, it’s never too late to chase our dreams. I am not saying that we can take that money or fame with us to our graves. All I am saying is that this life is a precious gift from God then why not live it in the most fulfilling way according to you. Stop existing and start living! Do what you have always wanted to do, you don’t have control on the future, you never know if you are even going to be alive tomorrow, let alone anything else. Then why procrastinate? Do what you want to do right now because life is here, in this moment. It’s neither in the past nor in the future. You can neither undo the past nor control the future, the only thing you have control over is your present. So stop thinking and start acting! May God be with you. 

weakness or strength

In this world, each person has some weakness or the other. For instance, someone cannot run very fast while another cannot lift heavy weights. While one is afflicted with a malignant disease, another is unable to recall the things he has learnt. There are many such examples. Do you know a person who has everything? That single weakness of ours is considered the epicenter of our lives. This gives birth to sadness and discontentment in the heart. Weakness is either a congenital defect or is bestowed by fate but the same weakness by the nous of a person is assumed to be the bounds not to be overstepped. But there are some people who through their righteousness and hard work defeat their weakness. What is the difference between such people and others? Have you ever thought about it? There is a very simple answer to it.  A person who does not let his weakness defeat him and houses righteousness in his heart is able to move past his weakness.

When I was a kid, I always complained that I wasn’t intelligent. It took me two hours to understand a concept taught in class while others could do it in half an hour or so. I thought it was unfair. It stopped me from being all that I could be. I felt, no matter how much I study there will be people who will have an edge over me because they had more time. Once I was talking to one of my teachers, I told him the same thing and what he said that day, changed my perspective forever. He said-“There are two types of successful people in this world, ones who become successful because of their intelligence and others who become successful because of their hard work.” That’s when I realized the bound was not real, it was just my imagination. Even if I assume that I am not intelligent, I cannot deny the fact that I am hard working and I have a strong will power. I neglected these gifts from God all along. Since that day I have never looked back.

In other words, God may give one weakness but bounds, bounds are determined only by the nous of a person.

Sacrifice is a strength ,not weakness !

When people hear the word Sacrifice, they become afraid that something will be taken away from them or they will have to give up something they can't live without. Sacrifice to them means loss, in a world telling us that we can have it all. But I believe true sacrifice is a victory because it requires your free will to give up something or someone you love for something or someone you love more than yourself. It is a gamble, sacrifice won't turn away the pain of loss but it wins the battle against bitterness, the bitterness that dims the light on all that is of true value in our lifes.
      There will be situations when your sacrifice will be perceived as your weakness and people will think you are giving up because you are tired of trying. But you will know in your heart that it is because of your love for someone else that you are willing to stop trying and set them free to chase their dreams. So stay put, sooner or later people will realize what you really did and even if they don't, remember that with great sacrifice comes great reward. As we give, we find that sacrifice brings forth, the blessings of heaven and in the end we learn that it was no sacrifice at all.
                                                                       
                                                 

Are you making the right decisions?

Every moment of our life is a moment of decision making. At each and every step , we have to decide something for the next step. And decisions , decisions leave their impact . Decisions made today, give birth to tomorrow's happiness or sorrow,not just for our self but  for our families and also for the coming generations .

We decide for today on the basis of future.So that we'll be happy in the future.Future is nothing but the result of today's decisions and deeds .If we are satisfied with our decisions today and have the confidence that we made the right decision ,then we can expect happiness in the future.We are always trying to make decisions today for a happy future. Reflect upon your own life.Don't most of your decisions take the future into consideration? And why shouldn't they?Attempting to make one's life happy and smooth is everyone's right.But nobody knows the future.It can only be imagined.Therefore,all the important decisions of life are based on imagination ! Could there possibly be a third path to decision making?
Yes there is .

The basis of all happiness is Dharma . And Dharma resides in a person's heart. So,before every decision do ask your heart if this decision is born out of selfishness or Dharma? Isn't that enough?Instead of the future if we consider Dharma ,won't the future be happier? Decisions based on Dharma are based on compassion and love for everyone , They are based on the five pillars of Dharma-justice,love,knowledge,dedication and patience.

When faced with a dilemma , our mind becomes disturbed and full of uncertainty. That moment of decision making becomes a battle and our mind becomes a battlefield. We make most of the decisions not to solve the problem but only to make our minds and souls calmer. But can we eat while we are running?No. So can a mind which is battling, make a right or worthy decision? In reality , when people make decisions with a calm mind , they make a happy future for themselves but when people make decisions to calm their minds, they are sowing the seeds for a difficult future.

So, next time when you have to make a decision , calm yourself first and ask your heart what will be the right thing to do and you shall have the right answer...

The value of Trust !

My mother is a teacher by profession and that too a strict one .Since my childhood ,i remember her being strict with me always.But as i grew older , she started changing and i wondered why ? Today i have the answer to this question .
She changed to build my future.
The most important thing she taught me is the value of  "trust" . Whether its a night out with friends ,or a party(when i have an exam on the next day) or any other such thing for which the general response is "No".
My mom's answer was one of these -"why are you asking me,it's your life ,you decide " or " yes ,go for it,I trust you completely , i know whatever u decide to do will be right".
No one other than me can understand what a huge impact these two statements had on my life.
It taught me the value of trust . Rules and restrictions can bind kids only as long as they are in front of your eyes but once they leave their home . Once they begin their journey of exploring this world with endless possibilities and no restrictions , the only thing that will stop them from doing things that you don't want them to do is your trust. Because they know in their hearts that you trust them so much and then the love they have for you will stop them from going on the wrong path.
It helped me develop the virtue of responsibility , since i knew that if something goes wrong in the future because of the decisions i make today , it will be my responsibility . I wont be able to blame anyone other than myself . She taught me to live life my way so that when i turn back and look and if i feel there was something wrong somewhere, then i wont regret it blaming someone else for it  . I will in fact learn from it since i made that mistake and we all know that the lessons we learn from our own experiences are much closer to our hearts and stay with us longer than the ones learned from someone else's experience .







As a result i never lied to her , never hid anything from her . I became one of those lucky girls whose best friend is their mom.
 Whenever i ask her a question regarding some decision i have to make , she advises me but she never forces me to abide by that. In the end its always my decision . Maybe that's the reason peer pressure and other temptations could never make me do things that i would regret later . She made me independent .
Of course every parent wants to secure their child's future which often leads them to make decisions on behalf of their kids "all the time" . But what do we know about the future? Not everything is in our hands . You never know what will happen tomorrow . So isn't it better if we try to build our child's character rather than future . We all know people with strong character do great things . They make their own future.They make their own destiny.
I feel proud to say that my mom is the coolest mother i know . She is my idol ,my mentor,my adviser and my best friend.









A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MA !